So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
