if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
