why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
