I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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