Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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