Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
