I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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