when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
