That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
