I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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