Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I look excited, but its just a facade.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
