At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
