you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
