Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning