i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
