I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
