Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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