my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
