i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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