I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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