Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can I color on your dick again?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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