I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize