my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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