Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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