i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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