I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
