i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
