you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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