At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
