butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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