I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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