Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
