I just cut my nipple shaving
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
