i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
