So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
