I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
