If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
