I can feel you judging me through the phone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
