I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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