It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
