She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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