I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
