he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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