yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We have started to decorate penises.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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