After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
