So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
