is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
