you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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