Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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