It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
