I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
