He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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