hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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