She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
