some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
