Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
