I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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