I think my fart just growled at me.
i think i have two assholes
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
