My hair reeks of homosexuality.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
