yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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