So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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