Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
