very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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