My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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