Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's blow job season.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
