I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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