i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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