If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
