I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
