Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
