So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think my moral compass just broke
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