Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need water and some morals
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
