Is it normal to miss your booty call?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
