he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
