My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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