FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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