I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
