after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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