I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
