i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
