then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
