obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
