remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were destined to go to rehab together
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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