I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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