After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
