the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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