i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Text me some of your sweat
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
