definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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