people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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